We went from face-to-face to side-by-side and had to turn back.

“Joe, Heather,” Our marriage counselors, Bob and Audrey Meisner lovingly said, “you need to get back to a face-to-face connection.”

We were lost. Spiraling in the demands of being new parents, trying to get our careers to take-off, tired, devastated by hidden and unspoken expectations and disappointments in each other.

As you venture into and through the mystery of marriage and connection I have seen, experienced and noticed (undeniably) that life pulls you and your spouse from a face-to-face connection – once enthralled with the beauty, curiosity and mystery of your friend to a side-by-side relationship. Kids, schedules, careers, house, finances, you name it. You used to stand in awe of this person, captivated by their very essence (and it’s not that you don’t like them) – it’s that life has demanded that you transition from a face-to-face connection to a side-by-side relationship. You just need to make it work and you are going through the motions, side-by-side.

Oh, my dear friends. Can you feel the pull? Maybe you are already there. Can Heather and I help you get back?

Try a few of these:

1.        Sit down on the couch together and physically turn towards each other, face-to-face. Literally train your body. Say, out loud, that life has pulled you from this connection to a side-by-side relationship and you want to re-establish a face-to-face relationship.  

2.        Look at them in the eye and say I’m sorry that I let us slip, it must have left you feeling alone, will you forgive?

3.        Ask your spouse a question from the back of the Committed Love book. (You can do this in Joe and Heather style with a bottle of wine ; )

4.        Look for a moment each day to return to being physically, face-to-face.  

I’m obviously leaving some of this open-ended for you. It’s not a recipe, it’s a way of moving with your friend.

One of the pillars of Committed Love is that you are likely to go as far as your parents went, for better or worse. You can read more in the book. The greatest predictor of intimacy in your marriage is what was modeled to you growing up. It is the most prominent, strongest and research-backed presence in your connection. They way you live and love and operate with your spouse is already forming the connection your own kids will share with their spouse.

Don’t set the bar high, set it deep.

We are cheering you on!

Joe and Heather